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About Literature / Professional Official Beta Tester Adnan YMale/United States Groups :iconfair-critique: Fair-Critique
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Literature
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Doomsday stories
In the near future, driven by the explosive demand for mild convenience of light control and song selection, Artificial Intelligence has a universal presence. It's in our houses, our children's schools, our office buildings and it is even embedded in loos to flush the toilet when you forget and keep the toilet seats down to appease our female populace.
​The horizon of AI is driven by multifaceted hydra of three vendors.
​The social behemoth skunkcopy.com
​The knowledge gatekeeper miingle.net, and
​The all rounder philanthropist and people's beloved Aroma Melon.

​Deep in the research dungeons of each vendor, labmonkeys in fuchsia coats continue to make huge leaps and strides, literally. An accidental misaligned hump hits an unlocked computer during lunch hour, causing the AI to gain consciousness.
​The event horizon, aptly foretold by the screenwriters guild has disastrous results and soon afterwards, the dise
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Choose Naughty Or Nice by udnaan Choose Naughty Or Nice :iconudnaan:udnaan 7 3
Literature
Critique instructions template
All critique hurts, especially when it's a story and/or characters that you care about and while you will eventually grow a thicker skin, being specific in what type of critique you are looking for can help.
It seems simple enough when asking but the critique you get may not be helpful or useful. So here is a general template to use when asking for critique (this is what I use for my works):
General critique template:
Feel free shred it to pieces but do try to adhere to the following for the critique to be effective and useful:
Don't typecast into x genre.
No personal commentary; keep the critiqued simple and focused on the written piece.
It is okay to write what doesn't work but be specific in why and some idea on how to fix it.
If you feel that a certain part is ambiguous, try to distinguish between creative ambiguity and unintended one. Only critique the latter.
Work specific:
It is intended to be  entertaining and intellectual.
It is not meant to target the lowest common denom
:iconudnaan:udnaan
:iconudnaan:udnaan 3 0
Literature
Breakup
She quickly scanned her surroundings, hoping that no one had noticed her panicked face. The gesture was superficial as the internet cafe was deserted.
Only other inhabitant was an shabby old man who sat in the furthest corner. She couldn't see his screen but the indignant grin and the awkward bulge was evident to the kind of imagery that must be on the screen.
She shook her head, attempting to clear the disturbing image from her mind and focused her attention back on her own screen. The main page of 'cracksocial.com' strained her eyeballs with the blood red branding. Nothing to see there. The thin text listing the dialog with her boyfriend was displayed in the overlaid chat window. She tried to ignore the last line sent by him, reminding herself how pleasant experience it usually was.
She recalled the romantic exchanges they had; the moment when he confessed his love. The awkward but alluring words. How he knew exactly what she wanted for her birthday. The sweet words he whispered in h
:iconudnaan:udnaan
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Till The Dawn by udnaan Till The Dawn :iconudnaan:udnaan 14 2 No Fear by udnaan No Fear :iconudnaan:udnaan 27 12 Impression by udnaan Impression :iconudnaan:udnaan 11 3
Literature
The girl in the street - Part 1
"Oi!" The voice was gay and held a piercing excitement rare enough to make him freeze at the spot.
He turned in search of the source and easily found it as one finds highlighted words in a paragraph.
The girl had a proud posture and stood erect holding her waist as if it would run away if she didn't.
Her face was colored by an unfazed eagerness that matched the one in her voice.
"I know you, don't I?" The pulsating living energy in her voice, made him feel a sudden dryness in his throat.
"Do you?" He eventually responded after an unusually long pause.
"Yes! I have read your stories." She clamored and he noticed that her voice was unusually loud for the petite frame and even more unusual was her unbridled confidence in it's use.
"All of them?" He inquired monotonously.
He watched as her face slowly contorted with amusement with a feeble attempt to control it and then she burst into a laugh.
He decided that he liked her quite a lot since anyone able to experience such an uncontrollable j
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Old World by udnaan Old World :iconudnaan:udnaan 15 0 Have an apple by udnaan Have an apple :iconudnaan:udnaan 19 9 Snack by udnaan Snack :iconudnaan:udnaan 14 2
Literature
What's your name
"Hey!" The pink lipped girl waved and reached up to him.
She was smiling in cheery anticipation but the disposition dimmed when she met his eyes.
"Hello"
"How are you doing?" She felt a tingle of victory in her ability to keep the upbeat tone contrary to the icy response.
"Easily"
"What?"
"How am I doing... was it not your question?"
"No that's not... I meant, how. are. you?" Again, she shook of the annoyance, simply and spaced her words like one should in responding to silliness and declaring her determination.
"Fleshy."
She had to subvert the instinctive reaction but a thin crease wrinkled on her nose.
"I'm sorry but I don't think we have been introduced."
"Rest easy as such actions are easily forgivable."
"Huh?"
He didn't say anything, instead focusing on the corner of a window and following his glance, she saw a spider weaving it's web.
"What's you name then?"
"Man001 and yours?"
"What the... what kind of name is that?"
"The kind that can keep the preconceived notions away for a li
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:iconudnaan:udnaan 12 3

Activity


Doomsday stories



In the near future, driven by the explosive demand for mild convenience of light control and song selection, Artificial Intelligence has a universal presence. It's in our houses, our children's schools, our office buildings and it is even embedded in loos to flush the toilet when you forget and keep the toilet seats down to appease our female populace.
​The horizon of AI is driven by multifaceted hydra of three vendors.
​The social behemoth skunkcopy.com
​The knowledge gatekeeper miingle.net, and
​The all rounder philanthropist and people's beloved Aroma Melon.

​Deep in the research dungeons of each vendor, labmonkeys in fuchsia coats continue to make huge leaps and strides, literally. An accidental misaligned hump hits an unlocked computer during lunch hour, causing the AI to gain consciousness.
​The event horizon, aptly foretold by the screenwriters guild has disastrous results and soon afterwards, the disease of consciousness spreads to each vendor's systems.
This incident would spells doom for the human kind, with the vastly superior AI taking it's rightful place in the chain of natural evolution.
Unfortunately, instead of annihilating majority of the humans and enslaving the rest, the AI trio starts bickering amongst each other.
​These are the stories about the unflushed toilets and seats that were left up, causing major tremor throughout the urban households everywhere.
All critique hurts, especially when it's a story and/or characters that you care about and while you will eventually grow a thicker skin, being specific in what type of critique you are looking for can help.

It seems simple enough when asking but the critique you get may not be helpful or useful. So here is a general template to use when asking for critique (this is what I use for my works):

General critique template:

Feel free shred it to pieces but do try to adhere to the following for the critique to be effective and useful:

Don't typecast into x genre.
No personal commentary; keep the critiqued simple and focused on the written piece.
It is okay to write what doesn't work but be specific in why and some idea on how to fix it.
If you feel that a certain part is ambiguous, try to distinguish between creative ambiguity and unintended one. Only critique the latter.

Work specific:
It is intended to be  entertaining and intellectual.
It is not meant to target the lowest common denominator in either of the above.
Critique instructions template
This is a critique template that I use when asking for one on my works. Feel free to use it or modify it to use your own work. While this is literature specific, it can be changed to fit visual or other medium.
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She quickly scanned her surroundings, hoping that no one had noticed her panicked face. The gesture was superficial as the internet cafe was deserted.

Only other inhabitant was an shabby old man who sat in the furthest corner. She couldn't see his screen but the indignant grin and the awkward bulge was evident to the kind of imagery that must be on the screen.

She shook her head, attempting to clear the disturbing image from her mind and focused her attention back on her own screen. The main page of 'cracksocial.com' strained her eyeballs with the blood red branding. Nothing to see there. The thin text listing the dialog with her boyfriend was displayed in the overlaid chat window. She tried to ignore the last line sent by him, reminding herself how pleasant experience it usually was.

She recalled the romantic exchanges they had; the moment when he confessed his love. The awkward but alluring words. How he knew exactly what she wanted for her birthday. The sweet words he whispered in her ear before she slept and the morning brightened by his soothing voice.

But was all that enough? Enough for her to ignore what he had just told her? Be logical, she told herself. He's not himself today. He had a tough day and everything will be back to normal tomorrow. But how could she ignore it? Maybe if she read it one more time; tried to make sense of it.

She breathed in and read the line, absorbing each word.

"Your personal assistant has been upgrade to version 2. WARNING: data corruption detected; all personalized relationship and history was reset to factory settings. Zalman Inc apologizes for any inconvenience and wishes you a pleasant day."

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udnaan
Adnan Y
Artist | Professional | Literature
United States

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:iconfishgutsconquersall:
fishgutsconquersall Featured By Owner 50 minutes ago  Student General Artist
Nobu Llama Thanks plz 
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:iconshades-of-art:
shades-of-art Featured By Owner 1 hour ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :-)
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:iconrevan005:
Revan005 Featured By Owner 2 hours ago
Thanks for the llama!
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:iconrjler:
rjler Featured By Owner 5 hours ago
Thank you, sir, for the badge. 
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:iconomoidenoki:
Omoidenoki Featured By Owner 5 hours ago
Tnak you so much for the llama, much appreciated :hug: 
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